Controlling a Partner

A danger sign of controlling behaviour in a partner is constant monitoring of one's whereabouts and activities. This can manifest through repeated calls or messages demanding to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.

A controlling partner may expect immediate responses to their communications, using guilt or anger as a tactic to enforce their demands. Over time, this can lead to a sense of entrapment and a loss of personal freedom, making it difficult to maintain independence and healthy boundaries outside the relationship.

Financial abuse can linger unrecognised

Financial control is another tactic used in abusive relationships. This may include restricting access to bank accounts, monitoring spending, or providing an 'allowance' while withholding funds to maintain dependency. When one partner controls financial resources, it can severely limit the other person's ability to make autonomous decisions, leave the relationship, or sustain themselves independently.

Financial abuse can linger unrecognised since it’s often interwoven with cultural or societal norms about financial roles within a partnership.

An imbalance of power

Critically, relationships are not abusive by default even though partners may rely on each other for financial, emotional, and social needs. Healthy partnerships ideally involve mutual respect and balance, allowing both individuals to thrive both together and apart.

Dependence becomes problematic when it is exploited by one partner to gain power and control over the other, thus eroding the egalitarian fabric of a healthy relationship. It's this imbalance of power that typically signifies an abusive relationship rather than the reliance itself.

Escaping an abusive environment

The existence of children in a relationship can exacerbate the challenges of escaping an abusive environment. Abusers may use children as leverage, threatening their custody or safety as a means to exert control, creating an emotional and psychological burden that can feel insurmountable.

While children can be a source of strength and motivation to seek change, their welfare complicates the dynamics of leaving an abusive partner, particularly if the abuser weaponises legal or social systems against the victim.

Overlooking the detrimental impacts

Moreover, the presence of children may invoke societal expectations and pressures about "keeping the family together," which can discourage victims from seeking help or leaving. There is a pervasive belief in many cultures that prioritizes staying together for the sake of the children, potentially overlooking the detrimental impacts of exposing children to an abusive environment.

Witnessing abuse can have long-term psychological and emotional effects on children, making it essential to consider their wellbeing when deciding to remain in or leave an abusive relationship.

Consulting professionals

Seeking support is crucial for individuals in controlling and abusive relationships. This can include reaching out to trusted friends or family members, consulting professionals such as therapists or counsellors, and contacting organisations that specialise in domestic abuse support.

Creating a safety plan and gathering resources discreetly can empower victims to make informed decisions about their options. Knowledge is a powerful tool in reclaiming one's autonomy and ensuring personal safety.

Taking steps towards liberation

Recognising the signs of an abusive relationship and understanding the avenues for support is fundamental in addressing and overcoming the challenges posed by controlling partners.

While the process can be complex and fraught with emotional turmoil, taking steps towards liberation and healing is possible and necessary for cultivating healthy, respectful, and loving relationships in the future.